Life is like poetry

KAMALANI

2009-01-06T07:56:00.001-08:00

Kamalani girl, don't cry for me
I won't be back
But I know I kept you
always in my heart.

Kamalani,
with your big brown eyes
won't you smile for me
just one more time?

Kamalani
don't long for me
live, smile and be free
the love between us will always be

Remember that you have my heart
and forever yours I have to part.
I leave you alone, my world has changed
when I see you there by the Ocean
I know nothing will ever be the same
I can't promise I will be back
But the love for eahc other, my dear....
will never die.

Yotuel 2008

The time I slept through New Year's Celebration

2009-01-05T22:02:00.000-08:00

What can I say about New Year. I live in Las Vegas, one of the craziest places to spend New Year's Eve. You go out to the Strip by 6 or 7, you walk around with a crazy big drink that ties around your neck, one of those and you are OUT!!. You gotta experience that at least once.

I've lived here for too many years already, so I don't fancy the crowded strip. Us locals, as we call ourselves for living in town for over a few months, we don't do that stuff, we leave that for tourists or newcomers or for people that have somebody visiting town. Me and my friends we decided this year we were going to Hennesseys an Irish Bar in Downtown Las Vegas, it's a fun place and it seemed like a great idea.

I got off of work around 3 on New Year's Eve so I got plenty of time to chill at the house and clean up a little, you don't want to start the year with a dirty messy house. So by 5 my roommates were already back home, I was ready to go, dressed up and everything, I even got a new wig, I mean its Vegas the craziest town. We were just waiting for it to be time to leave the house and head to our party location. Somebody had the great idea of playing Rock Band, so we did, I grabbed my Les Paul guitar controller, Robert got the Mic, and Chris the drums, and we rocked that crowd like never before, funny thing was that the one fan from the back kept buying us tequila and Jager shots, so the concert kept going and the notes started missing, my fingers were cramping, but the sweet tequila running down my troat kept me going. It was9 when we gave up, we took our coats and we left the house heading to the big celebration. We met a few people out there, after that I don't remember much, it was all like a dream, my typical random pictures with strangers, remember a few calls on my cell, and walking around long distances. I did have a blast, next thing I know, around 11, I was dead tired and I just wanted to sleep. A couple of my friends drove me home, and I will be forever thankful for that, and I slept like a baby for the next few hours. The worst part of it all was the hungover I had the next day.

The fact is that I was really worried about having a great New Year experience, and you know what?? I did, it was the best, I didn't have to worry about calling people, I was completely relaxed and calm, and dreaming all this great dreams. My life was on hold for a night, time stopped when I was having the most fun, I didn't even have to worry about the kissing or not kissing at midnight scenario. I woke up refreshed, accomplished, with no sense of regret, and it was a great feeling. I know now what I need to do this year to make my life better. Thanks to this experience I know how I can be a better person for myself. I would tell you what my goals are, but I rather you see the results of me working on it. I became a better person that night and I am happy that I am were I am.

Have a great Year!!!

No one knows me

2008-11-23T22:41:00.000-08:00

No one knows me

I go outside everyday

I walk around you everyday

You like me because I smile all the time

You say hi, you smile back

But you don't know me

You see me here

Some see me there,

I do things for people everyday

You say thanks, you smile back

But you don't know me

I care about you

I care about them

The world is mine to change

You look at me, you smile back

But you don't know me

I try really hard

To find friendship in you

I give you all my trust, my love, my hope

You take it all, and smile back

But you don't know me

I did all I could

I just needed a friend

You didn't care and I'm lonely again

You walked away, without smiling back

You don't want to know me

Life is Life

2008-11-03T10:56:00.000-08:00

Why is it that we learn to be selfish. Days go by before we care to visit a friend. Is it all about drinking and going to clubs? What happened to the good all fashioned hiking, biking, sports or just enjoying people's company. Why does it always have to be about what people have to offer or how good somebody is for you? We take frienship for granted, we step on people that genuinely care. We party all the time and we forget how amazing life is. We are here in a planet that has water, that provides what we need to live, that's all we need to do, LIVE. There is room for every one of us and NO, you are not the only one that has suffered en deserves happiness, care to ask the person standing next to you, I'm sure they also have a story to tell. Life isn't perfect is just life.

La historia de Maria

2008-04-28T15:07:00.000-07:00

Esta es la historia de una muchacha joven de no mas de 30 años de edad que de tez blanca como las nubes en el cielo, de ojos verdes con un brillo que deslumbra a quien se atreve a mirarlos directamente pues esa luz encandescente viene de su alma que muestra todo lo es ella, resultado de los sucesos de su vida. Su cuerpo muestra sus habitos de una alimentacion saludable y una rutina de ejercicio muy estricta, es delgada y con unas piernas bien torneadas que son visibles bajo las minifaldas que siempre usa. Se pueden ver un par de tatuajes en su cuerpo, uno en la espalda formado por un sin numero de flores rodeando a una mariposa, y otro un poco mas arriba del tobillo, ese es dificil de describir pues semeja un dibujo abstracto con lineas y espirales. Mucha gente la juzga al verla pues no la conocen. Y es que despues de haber sufrido de abusos sexuales cuando era una niña y de haber perdido al amor de su vida justo antes de casarse en una guerra injusta de la que nunca regresaria decidio vivir cada dia, disfrutar y hacer lo que ella sentia, con un gato negro como unica compañia vive en una vieja casona al pie de una colina, con un jardin de rosas en el patio vive sin remordimientos y sin restricciones. Cuentan por ahi que su vida es loca, que sale todos los dias, que tiene amorios por donde quiera, que nunca para. Pero ella guarda un secreto, del momento mas oscuro de su vida, ella estuvo embarazada y un dia asi como caen las hojas en otoño, ella perdio aquello que en su vientre crecia y que era lo unico que le quedaba de quel amor que en su corazon por siempre permaneceria. Fue ese ultimo evento lo que marco su vida para siempre.

Maria, es su nombre, y vivir la vida su profesion.
"Esta Maria esta incontrolable" diria la gente que no la conoce. Pero para los que la conocen Maria es la persona mas fuerte, sincera, caritativa, humilde y feliz que pudieran encontrar en la faz de la tierra, siempre con una sonrisa, dispuesta a ayudar al necesitado y viviendo para vivir.

My life before and after you

2007-04-13T10:37:00.000-07:00

I had everything figured out, I was going to Vet School, I thought, my "destiny" if there is one was to bemarried to my profesion and to live happy doing what I love doing, no marriage, no kids in my life no family life of my own. I adapted to that thougth eventually, as love never came to my life.

Now I found it, exactly what I was looking for, a loving and caring man that made me feel a woman again, that makes my life incredible everyday. I can see myself living a happy life by his side. How can I decide, how can I give it away, how can I live with myself knowing what I had and let go?

If I want happiness it is by your side, I should stay, but if I look at my commitments I may go.... and I don't want to anymore.

Life CAN be beautiful!!!

2007-04-02T23:03:00.000-07:00

One day you are living the same routine, working, exercising, going back home, occasionally meeting with some of your friends and going to your favorite bar. You like your life and you are standing there thinking that you are on top of the world.

It is amazing how much of a difference one person can do in your life. Good change or bad change, your life is never going to be the same.

In my case is a good change I never thought that love really existed, I believed that you create a relationship and work on it and then you care enough for the other person to say that you love them.

But now I understand, you have to meet the right person, there is one for me, he is out there and I was very lucky to find him. My life has been beautiful ever since. I love this change!!!

The Best Dad in the World

2007-03-04T16:57:00.000-08:00

i'm sitting outside that Bar, eating a hamburger listening to rock music in the background, I see all this motorcycles around me, guys that are about my dad's age walking, talking, all dressed in black leather jackets, denims, bandanas, they seem so happy.

I grew up listening to this stories my dad would tell me, from when he was young, and had a motorcycle, and how wild his life was, between road trips, friends, concerts, parties. He also told me about his band that he had, he showed me the records, some band called "The Doors", and I remember going through those records and looking at my "dad's picture" and I couldn't believe it, it was him!!!.

I grew up admiring my dad, wanting to be wild and free just like him, learning everything he would teach me, wanting to hang around him more and more. I wanted to be daddy's little princess.

But something happened, our relationship was doomed when I was about 14, since then it has never been the same. I miss my daddy, but I can't have that anymore.

That's probably the main reason I like this bar so much, they play that music that I would listen over and over again when I was a kid. All this bikers, make me feel like family, because they remind me of a dad that I admired and loved. Harley is the brand he told me to get, wear leather jacket and your denims he said, ride free, be happy and never look back.

I try not to look back, but somewhere in the past I lost him, and I can't find him.

The life at the Bar

2007-03-03T00:05:00.000-08:00

What is it about this place that makes me love it so much. Maybe somewhere inside me I still feel that need of being accepted the way I am. I have plenty of friends and family, but this Bar is an addiction to my ego, being on top of that bar, dancing, feeling powerful, feeling like a godess, I know it's crazy.

It is not the drinking, I know people there, they all know me, I feel safe, it's like a family, we all probably go there for the same reason, we are the "regulars", we sit there and chat, drink a beer or two, watch the environment, and see the tourists get wasted and enjoy their "Vegas Experience".

I go on top of the Bar when my song starts, I can feel it in my veins, it just fills me with energy, I could dance all night to this song, I have my boots on, my nicest belt buckle, and I get up there, everybody is watching me, it just feels great, the best part is that I'm being myself, that's who I am, and what leaves me this power to achieve everything I want in this world, being up there dancing makes me feel like the world is mine, al mine.

The curse of my relationships

2007-02-26T20:52:00.000-08:00

People ask me why I'm not in a relationship, how can I stand the loneliness. It is hard to explain, it's not something I choose to do, or maybe it is. I love my life the way it is, my job, my friends, my family, everything stable all the time.
On the other hand I like feeling loved, cared for, getting a hug, a kiss, making love, getting flowers, a letter, romance. Problem is I'm cursed, It seems that I can't have that, I fall in love and I get heart broken everytime, I give my soul and get nothing back. May be it's just not for me, not too long ago I decided to let go, just try it again, give love a chance... everything seems fine, nice guy, great moments together, two weeks later, life's a mess again, no time no see. It's just bad luck, bad timing, should not get attached to anyone, people are unpredictable, one they with you, then away.

I still have those words in my mind...

2007-02-23T12:10:00.000-08:00

What ever happened to LOVE???, I fall in love, I give myself away, I resign to things I love and care, I start living around someone... then all of a sudden I realize that my life is not as great as I thought it would be, I'm not happy, I deserve more.

I still remember those words, they are stuck in my mind, they follow me around, they haunt me at night. "If you find someone that loves you and cherish you, go on and be happy, I may regret letting you go". Why push me away like that, if you love me, why not fight for me, make me happy.

I guess there is no perfect relationship. And since I heard that I decided I am not going to suffer again. I deserve love, because I give love, nothing less.

Un amor viajero

2006-08-31T19:20:00.000-07:00

Habla de un amor viajero
que va y viene con el viento,
da la vuelta y vuelve a casa;
se detiene me besa, me abraza.

Con una mirada detiene el tiempo,
una caricia, un parpadeo, un solo momento.
El sueño que comienza con aquel fuego intenso
de pronto cesa sin dar paso al descontento.

Un minuto que parece eterno;
un amor que mata al celo;
un deseo de pasion al verlo;
una razon para seguir viviendo.

Juicing my life away

2006-08-29T20:14:00.000-07:00

For the past few months I've experiencing this lack of energy. It all started when I discovered the snooze buttom on my alarm clock, I would use it a couple of times first, then it became a habit to snooze my alarm at least fo 50 minutes before I finally would get up. I even had to set my alarm for an earlier time, since I had to rush in the mornings in order to get ready. By 3:00 everyday, my level of energy would go to hell, it got to a point that if I closed my eyes I could fall asleep. I tried taking protein shakes in the morning, vitamins, energy supplements, a good breakfast, etc, but seriously, nothing really worked.
When I became a vegetarian it was an improvement, but not so much, so I went back to the meat, I tried eating organic, and it helped, specially with my skin problems, but still same level of energy.
I don't want to make a commercial here, but one day I was bored, avoiding other responsabilities and just watching TV, and I saw Jack La Lanne, if you haven't heard of him..... I seriously recommend that you read about his life. It was amazing what I saw on TV, so I bought one of his juicers, don't blame me, that is why me and TV don't get along, specially if I'm depressed.
To be truthful, this magic juicer has changed my life, my level of energy is constant during the day, my hair and skin look great, I feel good, I don't crave junk food anymore, and I am willing to eat saladas (I still don't believe that). I did some research, I read a couple books on it, and eveyday I am more convinced that eating raw foods it's the best. Once in a while, a soup, or some meat helps. But a Huge!!! glass of juice in the mornings makes the difference.
It is cheap, and fun, and easy. You buy a bunch of vegetables, you don't even need to peel most of them if they are organic, and then you juice them.
So my advice is to drink a glass of fresh juice every morning, juice whatever you feel like eating. It will change your life.

By the way, I don't snooze my alarm clock anymore!!!!!!!, Problem solved.

It is all in what you dream!!!

2006-08-25T23:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I figure since I'm back blogging my life, I should start with something interesting, like..... I don't know....... MY LIFE!!!! (jejeje).

I 've done a lot, have been really busy, specially with my time consuming job (which I love, by the way). I've traveled around this country. I've seen family that I haven't seen in a while. And I am happy to announce that I will be an aunt next year (I'm not really sure how I feel about that yet, but I will survive).

I've been having this really weird dreams lately, the bad part is that I remember them the next morning, so I've tried looking for interpretations online, but you know how it is, a website will tell you that if you dream of an airplane crashing, it means that your life is going straight to the ground, then another one says that it is a sign of success in life, and the realistic one, tells you to analyze your life, and the events that happened the days before that dream and then try to think why your plane crashed.......... Isn't that something???, why can't they all say the same thing, because at the end of my search I was back to the point where I started, which is knowing nothing!!!!..... All this dreaming without interpretation is just lost in my mind. So my plane crashing, me eating fish tacos and having oral sex is probably a reflection of my desire to go to ensenada, a need for a relationship, and the plane....... well I sure don't know what that means, but I guess that if we stick to the other two, I'll be perfectly fine!!!!

Vuelvo a vivir!!!

2005-07-29T22:00:00.000-07:00

Pues resulta que ultimamente como que creo que entre en la crisis de la vejez (jajaja), pues le llamo asi porque como que siento una ansiedad que me mata, quiero salir, divertirme, reir, bailar... de pronto siento que se me va la vida y no me divierto, quiero salir de la rutina diaria... me levanto, desayuno, voy al trabajo, regreso a mi casa, estudio o leo, y me voy a dormir...

Nunca pense que mi vida llegara a ser tan rutinaria.

De hecho desde que decidi cambiar mis dias, me he sentido mejor, he disfrutado cada momento. Salgo me divierto, conozco gente, tomo cerveza, bailo country, y trabajo como negra (como diria mi amigo Horacio para vivir como blanco), el hecho es ese, me siento bien, soy feliz, tengo tiempo de sobra y amo la vida.

Solo hay una cosa que me hace falta y que no puedo tener, tal vez algun dia... Europa esta muy lejos... pero algun dia llegare a cruzar el oceano que me separa de lo que mas anhelo. Mientras tanto vivire mi vida feliz.

The day when we will be together...

2005-05-12T23:13:00.000-07:00

Realmente no se que escribir el dia de hoy, hace mucho que no me paseo por estos rumbos, y tambien desde la ultima vez han pasado muchisimas cosas en mi vida. Cosas buenas y otras no tanto, pero a fin de cuenta sucesos que forman parte de mi.
He tenido muchos dias de muy buenos en los que simplemente me siento en la cima del mundo, con todo el exito por delante. Dias como esos no se olvida, me impulsan a seguir adelante, a luchar por lo que soy. La atencion, el respeto, la admiracion... no lo puedo negar me gusta esa sensacion. Aquellos dias en los que te sientes tan bien contigo mismo que el cuarto en el que entras se ilumina con tu presencia (sin sonar egocentrico), las personas voltean a verte, sientes las miradas sobre ti, y tu caminando por la sala orgullosamente con el pecho levantado (no que quiera bajarte de tu nube, pero la mayoria de los casos te voltean a ver porque traes una servilleta en el zapato, el cierre abajo, la falda levantada del trasero, etc.). PEro lo externo no importa, el truco esta en que tu te sientas bien contigo mismo!!!.
Por otra parte he tenido dias muy malos en los que no quiero ni levantarme, cuento las horas para poder volver a la cama... esos son los dificiles, no son muchos, de hecho son escasos, pero cuando llegan, lo hacen con ganas, es como si toda la rabia del mundo cayera sobre mi... JAJAJAJA, si ya se, soy una Drama Queen, como diria mi amigo Daniel... pero pues que le puedo hacer de vez en cuando es sano sentirse mal, supongo, al fin y al cabo la vida es una mezcla de colores, de sensaciones y sentimientos.
I con respecto al titulo de este texto, es un pensamiento que siempre ronda por mi mente, en dias de sol o de tormenta, siempre me pregunto lo mismo,

WILL THERE BE A DAY WHEN WE WILL BE TOGETHER????

Siempre sin conseguir respuesta... sera que el detino realmente tiene la ultima palabra??, el tiempo lo dira. Mientras tanto, la vida sigue, el mundo gira y tengo hambre... BUENAS NOCHES me retiro.

Forget LOVE... I want to fall in chocolate!!!

2005-03-27T15:30:00.000-08:00

That is going to be my new motto, I wish it could be true, I wish chocolate could do that to me... just eat the chocolate and forget love.

Desafortunadamente no es asi, entre mas pienso y medito la situacion, mas siento el deseo de estar contigo, es inevitable. Y tu tan lejos de mi.

La vie en Rose

2005-03-18T23:49:00.000-08:00

Como decirte lo que siento... cuando cada vez que te veo, no te veo, pues tu imagen sembrada en mis recuerdos, me inhunda de pensamientos, realidades, sentimientos que me hacen sentirte cerca... tan cerca que casi puedo tocarte, besarte, hablarte. Es inutil tratar, pues las palabras no se escuchan, salen de mi boca sin sonido. Cada noche vivo lo mismo, mi mente vuela, y puedo verte, junto a mi, ese momento tan anhelado en el que puedo tomarte entre mis brazos, ver esa sonrisa tuya, tan tierna; esa mirada que me derrite, que hace que la lengua se me trabe...

No puedo dejar de pensar en ti, a veces quisiera olvidarte, lo admito... pero es que he llegado a quererte tanto que tu ausencia me mata, me envenena...

No!, de hecho, no es asi. Me gusta saber que existes en mi vida, que puedo llamarte mi vida, que a pesar de la distancia la posibilidad esta viva, que hay expectativa, que tal vez si existe el destino, de que me siento querida, correspondida, estoy agradecida y que viva la vida!!!

No se como le haces... el alcohol definitivamente no me ayuda a escribir.

Every Love has it's moment!!!

2005-03-13T01:58:00.000-08:00

It is crazy when you think about it, when you are standing in this moment when you think this is the right person for you, when you know that you can spend the rest of your life with this somebody, but before you know it something happens, and the moment is gone, now both of you are walking different ways, and no matter what you do it is never the same. That happened to us a while ago, now I'm happy I think about it and It is weird, but we had our moment, it was there, we just didn't take the chance.
Hay tantas puertas, tantas opciones, tantas situaciones, decisiones, y todo lleva a nuevas alternativas, nuevos caminos, es un ciclo, nunca termina, solo queda decidir, cerrar unas puertas, abrir otras.
Love is like that, nothing is safe you just have to take the chance, and go for it!!!.

What is really love?

2005-01-22T01:04:00.000-08:00

One day you meet this person that you haven't seen in a while, And I say meet because after all those years people change.... You talk, you laugh, and keep talking, and the time goes by, and suddenly you discover yourself kissing and hugging, and feeling great... and enjoying the time with this stranger that happens to be part of your life now.
It happened to me, that when I wasn't searching for love... when I wasn't searching for that somebody he knocked in my door, I didn't expect that to happen, how was I supposed to know... now I feel this way, I can't do anything about it and I don't have him anymore. My stranger love went far away and there is nothing I can do.
Maybe there is but I just don't want to admit it, or maybe I am just afraid of what could happen if I decide to do something about it.
So after all, what is that feeling called love?, how can yo tell?, How do you know when?, is it reality, is it just in our imagination? What is really love?

2005-01-22T00:02:00.000-08:00

So many faces, so many situations..it is part of my life now.

2005-01-21T23:55:00.000-08:00

The Company is really important

2005-01-21T23:54:00.000-08:00

It's amazing when you see 2 people sharing their life like that, when after all they are still together, they have each other no matter what, I wish I could have that someday for me, somebody that would be by my side for the rest of my life...
The love of a life...

2005-01-21T23:52:00.000-08:00

Life is beautiful when you know how to live it.

Life is like poetry

2005-01-21T23:09:00.000-08:00

Life is like poetry

2005-01-21T19:54:00.000-08:00

This is me

One more day

2005-01-21T19:39:00.000-08:00

One more day in my life without you, can I survive, can I live, can I resist the temptation of calling you my love. They say that you have to know when to let go, but when you care, when you feel like it is part of yourself, then you know that even though you try, you just can not let go.