My life before and after you

I had everything figured out, I was going to Vet School, I thought, my "destiny" if there is one was to bemarried to my profesion and to live happy doing what I love doing, no marriage, no kids in my life no family life of my own. I adapted to that thougth eventually, as love never came to my life.

Now I found it, exactly what I was looking for, a loving and caring man that made me feel a woman again, that makes my life incredible everyday. I can see myself living a happy life by his side. How can I decide, how can I give it away, how can I live with myself knowing what I had and let go?

If I want happiness it is by your side, I should stay, but if I look at my commitments I may go.... and I don't want to anymore.

Life CAN be beautiful!!!

One day you are living the same routine, working, exercising, going back home, occasionally meeting with some of your friends and going to your favorite bar. You like your life and you are standing there thinking that you are on top of the world.

It is amazing how much of a difference one person can do in your life. Good change or bad change, your life is never going to be the same.

In my case is a good change I never thought that love really existed, I believed that you create a relationship and work on it and then you care enough for the other person to say that you love them.

But now I understand, you have to meet the right person, there is one for me, he is out there and I was very lucky to find him. My life has been beautiful ever since. I love this change!!!

The Best Dad in the World

i'm sitting outside that Bar, eating a hamburger listening to rock music in the background, I see all this motorcycles around me, guys that are about my dad's age walking, talking, all dressed in black leather jackets, denims, bandanas, they seem so happy.

I grew up listening to this stories my dad would tell me, from when he was young, and had a motorcycle, and how wild his life was, between road trips, friends, concerts, parties. He also told me about his band that he had, he showed me the records, some band called "The Doors", and I remember going through those records and looking at my "dad's picture" and I couldn't believe it, it was him!!!.

I grew up admiring my dad, wanting to be wild and free just like him, learning everything he would teach me, wanting to hang around him more and more. I wanted to be daddy's little princess.

But something happened, our relationship was doomed when I was about 14, since then it has never been the same. I miss my daddy, but I can't have that anymore.

That's probably the main reason I like this bar so much, they play that music that I would listen over and over again when I was a kid. All this bikers, make me feel like family, because they remind me of a dad that I admired and loved. Harley is the brand he told me to get, wear leather jacket and your denims he said, ride free, be happy and never look back.

I try not to look back, but somewhere in the past I lost him, and I can't find him.

The life at the Bar

What is it about this place that makes me love it so much. Maybe somewhere inside me I still feel that need of being accepted the way I am. I have plenty of friends and family, but this Bar is an addiction to my ego, being on top of that bar, dancing, feeling powerful, feeling like a godess, I know it's crazy.

It is not the drinking, I know people there, they all know me, I feel safe, it's like a family, we all probably go there for the same reason, we are the "regulars", we sit there and chat, drink a beer or two, watch the environment, and see the tourists get wasted and enjoy their "Vegas Experience".

I go on top of the Bar when my song starts, I can feel it in my veins, it just fills me with energy, I could dance all night to this song, I have my boots on, my nicest belt buckle, and I get up there, everybody is watching me, it just feels great, the best part is that I'm being myself, that's who I am, and what leaves me this power to achieve everything I want in this world, being up there dancing makes me feel like the world is mine, al mine.

The curse of my relationships

People ask me why I'm not in a relationship, how can I stand the loneliness. It is hard to explain, it's not something I choose to do, or maybe it is. I love my life the way it is, my job, my friends, my family, everything stable all the time.
On the other hand I like feeling loved, cared for, getting a hug, a kiss, making love, getting flowers, a letter, romance. Problem is I'm cursed, It seems that I can't have that, I fall in love and I get heart broken everytime, I give my soul and get nothing back. May be it's just not for me, not too long ago I decided to let go, just try it again, give love a chance... everything seems fine, nice guy, great moments together, two weeks later, life's a mess again, no time no see. It's just bad luck, bad timing, should not get attached to anyone, people are unpredictable, one they with you, then away.

I still have those words in my mind...

What ever happened to LOVE???, I fall in love, I give myself away, I resign to things I love and care, I start living around someone... then all of a sudden I realize that my life is not as great as I thought it would be, I'm not happy, I deserve more.

I still remember those words, they are stuck in my mind, they follow me around, they haunt me at night. "If you find someone that loves you and cherish you, go on and be happy, I may regret letting you go". Why push me away like that, if you love me, why not fight for me, make me happy.

I guess there is no perfect relationship. And since I heard that I decided I am not going to suffer again. I deserve love, because I give love, nothing less.